Rurouni Kenshin Matrimonial Agency
by Annachan
Summary: Someone gets to learn matrimonial agencies aren't always reliable...(Shonen-ai?) [Complete]
1. Opening the curtains

Disclaimer: Give Cezar what he owns and give Watsuki-sama what belongs to him.

Warning: OOC characters, lame humor, sort of AU, and...ridiculously short chapters.

Notes: I'm not an English native speaker. Be aware of grammar errors and orthography mistakes. Also, feel free to read and to eventually review.

PART I: Opening the curtains...

As soon as the young man entered, people turned to look at him. 

He was littler than a woman. He had long womanly hair. Red, like a witch's.

His figure showed nothing, hidden behind a huge purple kimono. 

His face carried two big blue eyes. He was red. Maybe for embarrassment.

He wasn't an habitué at all.

"Hum...miss!" someone called.

"Me?" his voice squeaked. Like a woman's.

"Yes." 

It was a very virile looking man carrying glasses, a shoulder-length hair tied in a ponytail and a tuft of beard who was talking him.

"You look sort of lost. May I help you?"

"Hum...well..."

"Ah. You're new. You're having doubts about this, aren't you?"

"Erhm...well, I don't know. I've never tried this before and..."

"Don't worry." he handed him a block of papers "You just have to fill 

this form. Everything remains confidential, so people won't access your file. But you and us."

"I see." he nodded.

"Good. There is a desk over there." he pointed out a corner. "Please take your time, and make sure you give the proper answers to the questionnaire."

"Thank you." he bowed.

The phone rang once. Twice. Three times...No answer.

Then a figure burst into the room, hurriedly drying its hand. 

The figure picked up the receiver.

"Mushi mush'?"

Silence.

"Yes, it's me."

...

"Oh..."

....

"Already?!"

...

"Yes it is..."

...

"I see."

...

"Tomorrow afternoon... hum... that's fine."

...

"Special room? I thought we~~~"

....

"Are you sure no one would be spying or~~~"

...

"Okay. May I ask you his name?"

...

"Ah. Not at all."

...

"Yes. Thank you for calling Watsuki-san."

He hung up, gazing in the space.

If it was to happen tomorrow afternoon, then he had to finish washing THAT kimono. 


	2. First appointment

PART II: Day One: First Appointment.

He breathed. He adjusted his kimono. Just in case.

He gazed at the knob. It was terrifying.

He shuddered a little. He smiled. Awkwardly.

He was trying to feel good. 

Then he pushed the door open. 

There was a dark, lanky figure leant on the opposite wall. Along with its smoke's shadow.

He took several steps forward.

"You're late." the person said.

Ah. first encounter, big mistake. The guy is a punctuality freak. 

"...Urhm...I'm sorry." he bowed respectuously.

The figure sat down, graciously crossing its legs under the table.

Oh. Surely not the usual type. 

He sat down too.

They stayed silent: the other smoking, he gazing anywhere but in front of him.

He coughed. The other blew smoke in the thick air.

He cleared his throat.

"Well...How are you doing?"

A narrow glare fixed him.

The person didn't look that friendly at all. Couldn't he just answer the question? He was making efforts here... to start a conversation...

"Urhm..."

"Hmph."

Silence.

"So...ahem...what do you do in life?"

"None of your concern..."

Wonderful. The guy is secretive too. Lets hope he isn't married.

"Ah...Well..." he paused. "Is it...your first time??"

"No." he took a last drag on his stick.

Oh Happiness! He isn't married.

"So...You mean you've done this before..."

The person glared at him.

"Are you an idiot?"

"Huh?"

"Then stop asking nonsense..."

Reminder to myself: he's got experience about those stuffs...

He lowered his head.

"Sorry..."

"Hmph. My former partners were total morons. The two of them."

"Ah. No luck..."

"Whatever. So, are you an idiot?"

Erhm...what is with the idiot thing? 

"...Well... I don't know..." he said uncertain.

"Pitiful. People who ignore their value are worthless."

Big blue eyes widened.

"Uhm... but, you can't tell whether..."

"-Know your own value, then you can value people-. That is the Shinsengumi's third precept"

"Shinsengumi??..."

"Hmph."

"Could it be that you are..."

"Captain of the third division of the Shinsengumi. Hajime Saitou." he said, solemn.

He swallowed hardly. 

How lucky he was to fall on that man: he was famous. A legend. Though he would have preferred the man was different from what people said. 

Just a little different.

"Urhm...I...What was the first precept then?" he asked faking interest.

"Aku.Zoku.Zan."

He startled. There was such an strong aura emanating from the man. The way he uttered those words was enough to make him shiver with a terrible excitement. 

More terrible than exciting.

"Ah..."

The man smirked at him as his golden eyes flared up.

Hum. Why was he feeling like a trapped little lamb? 


	3. Second appointment

PART III: Day Two: Second Appointment.

This time he had come a quarter of an hour earlier.

He sat, waiting. Obviously his "date" wasn't in a hurry.

Thirty minutes have already passed. Then five minutes passed again.

He still waited.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

He jerked out of his chair.

A young man, with spiky hair and opened jacket lazily entered the room.

The young man smiled. And he thought he would melt on the floor.

He is charming...

"Oi! I hope I didn't make you wait too much..." the man said sitting down in a swift motion.

...hum well, charming in his very own way...

He gave him an uneasy smile.

"Erm...no, you didn't."

"...Good. Because you know, I've known some people outta there that are punctuality freak." the man spat.

Oh, that reminds me of someone...

He smiled nervously.

"Ah...I see."

"Yeah, worst thing I met him through this agency. A real asshole you know. The type of guy you'd gladly smash on the wall...I can't recall how many times I wished I could beat some sense out of him...that fucking asshole."

Hum. The guy seems to be fond of the "asshole" word. 

"Err...yeah...I guess." he coughed. "...may I know when did you start to frequent this place?" he asked, his tone very polite.

"What?! Are you some fucking cop??!" The other man said smashing his fist on the table.

He startled.

Quite the rough type.

"No, no...It's just that...err...I'm sort of new in this whole thing so...I thought you could be helpful..." he answered with an intimidated smile.

"Huh? yeah..." he said putting his legs on the table and he leaned back on his chair.

And he doesn't have any manner either...

"So...What do you do in life?"

The other man frowned.

"Stop the questionning thing, you're acting like a damn cop..."

What's with the cop thing? Does he go for cops? Well, he looks more like a punk...that would be weird...

He coughed.

"I...I just..."

"Yeah yeah...but we don't need that bullshit, do we?" he took his legs off the table and looked at his companion. "...seriously, I entered this weird place because I thought I could find guys I can have some "fun" with. But I ended up with jerks. The first one was a guy I could happily drink with, but he always thought of himself as the man and me as the damn woman. Well, fuck him! I'm not a geisha. And as for the second one...he was just the total asshole thinking he is better than me with his oh-so aristocratic manners and his proudy attitude. Can you believe he called me a street rat?! Me! Fuck them all, those jerks!" he smashed his fist on the table.

And the table collapsed.

He blinked. Then went in his "Oro" mode.

Never piss off that guy. Never.

"Ahem...well, I'm sorry this happened to you..."

His companion gazed at him. Then flashed a cocky smile.

And once again, he thought he would melt in his chair.

Definitely charming.

"Well, well the man who would be taming Zanza isn't born yet!" he exclaimed, thrusting his fist in the air.

Surprised face.

"Zanza? You mean Zanza the mercenary?!"

"Hehehe, I'm pretty famous ain't I?" he smiled confidently.

No wonder the rash attitude. Zanza was very well-known for his short-temper.

To date two celebrities in two days...What a chance!

"Hey, you're not so bad yourself..." he stood up and walked towards his companion. "...You look sweet. At least I'm sure I'll get to be on top with you..." he grinned.

'On top'?

His eyes widened at the dreadful realization.

Maybe he wasn't that lucky at all.


	4. Third appointment

PART IV: Day Three: Third Appointment.

His date was late.

Seriously late.

He had spent the whole hour rooting on his chair, expecting him to come at any moment. But he didn't come.

He sighed and decided to leave the small room.

He opened the door, but as he took his first step out of the room, he heard a loud laughter erupt in the hall, along with feminine giggles.

"I can teach you women if you want. Just come to my---"

"Mister, you're already late. Our client will be very angry if you don't show up..."

"Client? oh, that guy...I forgot..."

"Hurry up. You know which room it is."

"Yes, I'm going. But I'll be back in some minutes pretty ladies..."

A big, no, huge man appeared at the other end of the corridor. 

He was walking towards him, the huge cape on his shoulder swaying behind his muscular and well-tanned body.

What a man.

He swallowed.

"You're the client?" he asked with a deep husky voice.

He swallowed hardly.

He nodded several times, trying to shake the red tint off his face.

"Hum...you are pretty...very pretty..." he smiled.

Oh my...

"Err, should we get in?"

"Of course" the other man answered opening the door and tilting his head, inviting him to enter.

"Huh...thank you." 

"My pleasure..."

He looked up with star-filled eyes.

Finally, a gentleman. Thanks Kami-sama.

The door being shut called him back to reality.

The man drew a chair and motioned him to sit down. Which he did.

It's like some dream...

"It's the first time I've seen you. Are you a newbie or something?" the man asked.

"Yes..." he answered lost under the man's handsome eyes.

"You made a good choice. This agency's got some nice fellows."

"That I can see..." was his dreamy reply.

"I got my former guys from here. They were both good-looking..." he brought his face closer "but not as beautiful as you..." the man winked.

He blushed but couldn't tear his gaze away.

Gentle, Handsome and with charming manners. He is perfect.

The man came closer. Their gaze were locked. Their nose were already touching. Their lips were almost touching. 

He sniffed.

What's that strong smell...sake?

He slowly pulled away, smiling nervously.

"Hehehe, so you're not the easy type huh?" his eyes glowed "...Well, I like challenges." his eyes flashed with malice. "Pretty flowers like you always end up in my flower pot..."

He blinked.

"'Flowers'?"

"...Cute ladies like you die whenever I flash a smile..." the man continued.

He blinked twice.

"'Ladies'?"

"...because I'm DA man!" he stood up, bombing his chest, showing his very over-developped chest.

He sighed, shaking his head.

Too perfect to be true. I knew it.

"Huh-oh...!!!" he exclaimed as the man seized his wrist and drew him closer to his oh-so well-built body.

"A beautiful frail nature like you need a strong, powerful and handsome man to be protected..." he took a solemn expression. "...in other words, a man like me, Hiko Seijurou!"

His face fell.

Another celebrity. And what a celebrity. Hiko Seijurou, the self-proclaimed hottest man of the whole country. With such a strong reputation among the women, no wonder he was such a big macho man.

"We'll enjoy this meeting properly later..." he smirked suggestively.

"Properly?" he blurted out.

And a pervert with that. How delicious...

"...but for now..." he popped a sake bottle out of his cape "...let's celebrate!" he said before engulfing the content of the bottle, spilling some of it on his exposed muscular torso.

He sweatdropped.

Yes, definitely a macho man.


	5. Fourth appointment

PART V: Day Four: Fourth Appointment.

He silently entered the room and was pleased to see there was a man in.

He walked towards his chair.

The man wore a strange hat on his head, a half opened violet kimono, and for a second, he feared he might have fallen on some playboy again. But the man sat there, his head lowered, hidden behind his joined hands?.

He coughed.

The man didn't look up.

Is he asleep or something?

"Hum...hello...?" he greeted.

"Hello...young man." came the reply.

He shivered.

That voice had something...

"You can sit down." the other man said.

Without even realizing it, he did.

That voice held such a power, it would make anybody obey its orders.

"You are new, aren't you?"

He blinked.

Am I that obvious?

"Yes...I am."

The man chuckled.

"I can tell you're a young delicate man..." the man half-whispered.

He felt the back of his long hair bristle as the man spoke.

"Well, I'm not that young..." he answered, a little nervous.

That man had such a presence.

"Your body's heat is telling me another story."

'Body heat?' What is he talking about?

"Erm...well, I guess so..."

The man still didn't look at him.

"Do you like heat?" the man asked.

"Huh, it's better than cold." he said smiling good-naturally.

"Cold. I hate cold..." the man started.

Hum. What the point of this heat and cold talk? 

He swallowed.

Don't tell me he is some mad scientist...or a meteo freak...!!

"...but I like heat. Sun's heat, fur's heat, body's heat. But what I like the most is..." he trailed.

He looked at the man, lost in the beauty of his voice, hanging on his words like a love-struck teenager.

This guy...such a charisma.

He found himself drooling.

"...Fire!" 

The man raised his head, making his face clearly visible.

A small mop of hair was falling on his forehead, his mouth wore a maniacal grin, and his eyes were wild with fury.

His eyes widened with surprise.

What in the...!!

"Fire. I like fire. I love fire. I adore fire. Papers on fire, buildings on fire, peoples on fire, that I like to see." he came closer. "I'd like to feel your heat, to feel your body on fire, to feel your burning desire..." the man said drawing his face closer "...burn with mine." 

Oro? Could it be that this is...??

"You ask for it, I'll give it to you." the man's mouth curved into a feral smile "Makoto Shishio will set your heart on fire." he licked his lips.

Of course, it could only be Makoto Shishio. The man was reputed for his fire addiction and his psycho tendencies.

Why did I have to fall on this mad pyromaniac?

His thoughts were interrupted there as he was lifted and hotly thrown on the table.

"What...?!!"

"I'll show you what is heaven..." the man's eyes flared up "...or rather, what is hell."

Kami-sama, I'm damned.


	6. Fifth appointment

PART V: Day Five: Fifth Appointment.

He looked up at the ceiling, wondering when the person he was supposed to meet will come. 

Everything was silent around him. 

No talking. No sound of steps. No sound of breathing.

He frowned at the dead silence.

Then jumped up as a shadow moulded into a human silhouette.

He gaped at the sudden arrival.

The man was tall. His figure looked like as lanky as a ghost's under his very long coat. His face was corpse-pale like, hidden behind severals strands of short jet black hair.

He quickly regained his senses as the man sat in front of him.

I wonder how he entered, I'm sure I didn't hear the door crack open...

There they sat. The man was looking straight in front of him, and he had to avert his gaze. For some very disturbing reason, this man reminded him of his previous date. 

He has such a strong aura around him...

He coughed to dismiss his reverie.

"Hum. So, should we make the introductions?" he proposed.

The man said nothing.

"Erhm, since you already know my name, maybe you should start then..." 

He waited. 

Still no answer.

"No?..."

Well, it's weird. He doesn't look very shy at all.

"...Just to know, is this your first time in this agency?" he pulled away from the table, remembering what happened the last time he asked that question. "...No offense really, I'm just asking." he added a little fearful.

Still no reaction.

Definitely weird.

"...as for me, this is the first time."

Silence.

Great. I guess I'll just have to keep on talking.

"The agency is not so bad in fact. I've met very huh...interesting people. All of them very different from each other..." he eyed the man. "...completely different..."

The man remained silent.

He sighed soundlessly.

What a block of ice. 

His eyes met the man's. He smiled sheepishly.

How boring. How can I get rid of him now?

He looked at the man from the corner of his eyes.

Maybe if I leave discreetly he wouln't hear me. But this is not very polite.

He took a quick glance once again at the frigid man.

To hell the politeness!!

He braced his legs under the table. 

A sword suddenly came from nowhere to stick his kimono on the wall behind him. His eyes widened. He couldn't move his left arm anymore.

"You aren't leaving, are you?" came the cold monotonous husky voice.

He was too shocked to give himself the time to appraise it.

"Erm...well I..."

The man stood up and walked towards him.

He gasped as the man took the sword off the wall.

"Nobody sneaks away from my guard."

He saw the man swiftly put the sword back in its dark double crossed sheet under his coat. 

A double crossed sheet. A short sword.

His eyes widened.

"You are...Shinomori Aoshi?"

The man's eyes seemed to narrow for a second before taking back their blank expression.

He blinked, panting.

Shinomori Aoshi, the great leader of the Oniwabanshuu. A ninja like you'll never see anywhere else in the country. A wonderful warrior you've got to see at least once in your life.

His face fell.

But unfortunately it seems that the rumors about him getting even more cold-blooded after his companions were killed are true. He is freaking scary.  

He quietly sat on his chair.

They were back to the previous situation.

"Hum...anything you'd like to know about me?" he asked uncertain.

No answer.

He sweatdropped.

I forgot he was the absolute non-talkative type.


	7. Sixth appointment

PART VII: Day Six: sixth Appointment.

Once again, he was there, in front of this door, ready to enter that room. It was his last appointment of the week.

He hoped he would end up with someone nice...or at least normal.

"Hey!" a voice called him.

It was a young man walking towards him.

What an haircut! He looks funny...

"Well, let's get in!" the newcomer said,enthusiastic.

"Aa..."

He smiled inwardly. Maybe this last day meant luck.

Once again, he sat on that chair, facing his companion. The other only nodded, looking at their surroundings as if appraising the room. Then he one-eyedly looked at him.

"Well, since we are supposed to get to know each other, why don't you start introducing yourself?"

"Allright then. I---"

"I'm not playing the cop heh. Just want to know the random stuffs about you. Like what do you do, what do you like, your hobbies, eventually the type of guy you like..."

"Hum, I am---"

"As for me, I'm not very complicated. The guys I've been with, well, I met them by chance...at least some of them. There was guy I met when I was sent for a mission, cuz you know, I work as a spy. Don't tell anyone, becuz it's a secret you know. So I met this guy on that mission, I don't know how it started but well, we got pretty close...you know what I mean. Now that I think about it, I don't even know why. The guy was a queer, I mean a real one, cross-dressing and stuff. A real fucked-up guy. Anyway it didn't last long, fortunately."

"Ah, that is---"

"Funny, I always end up with the strangest people... Just like the time I got involved with my boss. That was completely weird you know, cuz, well...very weird. The guy wasn't the hum...common type at all. Still, I think I got into hanging with him because he knew how to use a sword. I mean, he was awesome in a fight, just like when he was "punishing the evil guys". And I'm quoting his own words. He was really something...especially with a sword..."

"I---"

"Hey! Did I tell you that I love swords? I'm a sword-collector. Not an amateur though. I've got something like 57 swords at home. A beautiful collection of the rarest pieces, nothing you can find outta there now, but the REAL ones. I started...etc..."

He released a deep sigh as the young man continued his rambling.

There was no doubt about it. This guy was Chou Sawagejou, the oh-so famous "sword addict" as people called him. He was said to have sold his mother to some local yakuza to get a weird long and curved sword. Which was already scary for a nine years old kid. Useless to say he had become a real sword freako who would do the impossible to get the blade he wants. For the sake of his collection, he could turn into an annoyingly convincing chatterer.

He lowered his head as it was getting heavier and heavier as  the man talked. 

Surely the rumours are true. This guy isn't talkative, he is OVER-talkative...!!

"...the only sword missing to my collection is a sakabatou. It's said the only one left belongs to a guy called Battousai, a small weirdo with red-hair and sharp eyes. But he hadn't been heard of since a long time."

He nodded, as if he had been listening, though paying no attention to his latest sentences.

Then his eyes widened in realization. 

Am I dreaming or he had just---

"Hey..." 

The young man had left his chair and was standing in front of him. He was staring at him.

"Huh?"

"Long red hair..." he said taking a strand of his long hair in his hand.

"Err...urhm..." he stuttered as the young man made him stand up.

"...Skinny body..." Chou mumbled letting his hands travel from his companion's shoulders to his waist.

He swallowed hardly, not knowing what the young man was thinking at the moment.

"And the eyes..."

"Oro?" he jerked out as his face was drawn closer to the blond's.

Chou frowned.

"Nah, it can't be you..." he shook his head and he returned to his chair.

He just stared dumbfoundly in front of him.

What was going on a second ago? I thought he...

He sighed inwardly, sitting down.

He was getting desperate to wish things like that to happen. Really desperate...

At least, he stopped talk----

"Hey! Wanna know how I got the twinnies?! Well, I'll tell you. You see, there was that special day I went to Hokkaido,  on a mission of course. Then I came accross...blablabla..."

Hum. Will he ever let me utter a single word?


	8. Seventh appointment

PART VIII: Day Seven: seventh appointment.

He walked slowly, though he should hurry up.

He was late. He was tired too. 

He lazily pushed the door open and stepped in.

His eyes widened with surprise.

"Err...Well, excuse me but...I think you are in the wrong room." he stated.

The person in front of him shook his head, a friendly smile on his face.

"Ah, I think not...Himura-san?"

He blinked.

"Huh. Yes..."

What kind of Matrimonial agency is that to have such young guys around?

He closed the door behind him.

His companion was smiling at him. His face reddened.

"Hum...well, should we sit down?"

"Whatever you want Himura-san."

Ugh. Does he have to call me that. I am not that old...

"Ah, hum...is it your first time in this agency?"

"No. I have been frequenting this place for 3 years Himura-san." 

He coughed. 

"May I ask you how old you are?"

"Sure you can Himura-san. I am Fifteen."

He sat still. 

Fifteen? He is a kid. Well, technically not, but he still is a kid...What is a kid doing in such a place?!

"But, you shouldn't mind that Himura-san. I would do anything you want Himura-san. I mean it."

He looked at the boy.

The boy was still smiling at him. An angelic smile. 

He smiled back, somehow ill-at-ease. 

He couldn't explain it, but there was something not so right there. He had no interest for kids, no matter how nice they could be. That was just so...Wrong.

"I...well, I..." he stuttered, looking for a way to escape the situation.

"I promise Himura-san. I will do anything. I'll not deceive you. I swear, Himura-san."

His eyes turned blank.

Erm...Why is he insisting like that? I didn't ask for anything...

"No, no, it's not...I...I am not really..."

"I know what you are thinking Himura-san. But I'm not like that. I'll be very obedient."

He swallowed. 

The boy kept smiling at him.

He couldn't tell whether the smile was sincere or not. Come to think of it, this smile had something...something disturbing.

"I know but..."

"You can do whatever you want to me, Himura-san." the boy continued, now smiling widely.

Oro? 

What's with this kid? His smile is creepy.

"I'll never deceive you Himura-sama. Seta Soujirou never deceives his master."

He jerked away from the table.

Oh no. He couldn't believe it. 

Seta Soujirou was famous over all for his incredibly earlier libido. Since whatever tragic event of his childhood, he had had a liking for those "adult games" religious people consider Evil. Though being quite an active rônin, he would regularly be caught attending places such as whore houses and...ahem...other naughty places, well-known for their...hum-hum...special treatments to their visitors. And since this agency was also full of very...huh...rare specimens, it would not be surprising to find him there.

He stopped breathing. 

But if this boy was really Seta Soujirou like he said he was, he HAD TO run away. First, because he didn't like those "adult games" of him, and second because once Seta Soujirou has his eyes set on you, he will never let you go...until you give him what he is asking for...something that isn't difficult to guess, knowing his reputation.

"Himura-sama? Himura-sama...are you alright?" the boy called, clutching the fabric of his Kimono.

"I...Yes, I'm okay..." 

He froze.

Did I hear well? Did he call me..."Himura-sama" ??!!

"I am glad to hear that, Himura-sama." Soujirou smiled.

Oh no, it's too late! he thought, alarmed.

"Please, let go off my Hakama." he asked, his body tensed.

"But, I said I would do anything you want Himura-sama." He said poutingly, though the smile was still plastered on his face.

"Yes, I just want you to let go off my hakama."

"I can't. I promise I won't deceive you Himura-sama..."

He felt like yelling his throat out.

What kind of logic is that?!! You would do anything I want,  right? Then why don't you let got off my pants since I'm asking you to?

"...I'll never. That's why I can't let go." he stated.

His face fell.

He is trying to mess my mind. He is messing with my nerves. 

He looked at the boy. 

The boy grinned at him.

This kid is the Evil. I will not give in.

"Himura-sama? Please order. I'll obey." Soujirou pleaded, an innocent glimmer in his blue orbs.

He sweatdropped.

My, my. So young and already such a pervert.

This chapter is dedicated to April-san who specially requested for an "episode" with Seta Soujirou.


	9. Drawing the curtains?

PART IX: Drawing the curtains...?

He waited for his turn to come. 

There weren't many people around. In fact, there were three people in the room, including him. The others two were filling in the form they had been given. He was waiting for his turn to come.

"Miss, it's your turn!" one said.

"Aa...thank you."

He walked up to the reception desk with his usual slow pace.

"Erhm...hello." 

"Oh, Himura-san! How are you doing?" the man with the glasses and the ponytail greeted.

"No too bad...I think..."

"Well, well. How was your week?"

"Hum. Very...eventful."

"Hahaha! I bet it was. So, did you find someone matching your tastes?!!"

"Erm..."

"I knew it! Now what you just have to do is to pay the common fees, oh it's nothing very big, just some 200.000 yens cash, then we'll arrange a romantic diner for you lovely two!" 

"Ah, but..."

"Tsk-tsk-tsk! That isn't it yet! For an extra 10.000 yens, we give you your dear one's PAASONARU [Personal] address, so you can get a SURUPURIZU PAATI [Surprise Party] ready for him whenever you want! Isn't that great?!"

"I...guess it could."

"Could?" the man's eyes narrowed. "you have money problem?"

"Huh?" he startled. "no...that's isn't it..."

"No? then, is it...hmmm??"

"Huh?" he looked at him expectantly.

"...you know, THAT kind of problem..." he said raising a suggestive eyebrow.

He vigourously shook his head, as if trying to shake the redness off his face.

"Ah? What then..."

"It's just that I didn't find anyone..."

"What? you mean they didn't match your preferences?"

"Of course they didn't! They NEVER match the preferences!" a new voice interviened.

They both turned to the newcomer. A woman with short brown hair with her body seized by a flashing green Kimono.

"You again?"

"What me "again"? After all the money I buried in your so-called Matrimonial Agency I am not welcomed here?"

"Oro?"

"You mean after all the couples I worked on during hard days and long nights that you broke apart with your vulgar "eyelashes batting"?!!" the glasses-wearer corrected hotly.  

"Huh?"

"Oh, It wasn't my fault. No one can resist my looks I think." Her eyes narrowed. "And as for yours so-perfect couples, please don't make me laugh. Only a weirdo like YOU would make a beautifully delicate creature like ME end up in the arms of a mad fire-master wannabee! And the next time YOU coldlessly threw ME under the sheets of a rude sword-seeker freak!"

"Are you implying that MY love calculator is completely wrong?!" he asked, gritting his teeth.

"No kidding?! Why don't you ask this guy about his week's appointments? I bet they were nothing like he expected from your oh-so trustworthy "Love calculator"..."

"Anou..."

"Yes, tell me Himura-san..." the ponytailed man arched an eyebrow.

"Well, to tell you the truth...They were all...Weird."

The ponytailed man's brow twitched.

"Oro?"

"YOU TWO GET OUT OF MY AGENCY! YOU UNGRATEFUL CREATURES!!" 

"Oroooooooooo..."

"The guy is nut. Nevermind him..." the woman said as they were out.

"But, that was a little rude to tell him that. I think I hurt his feelings..."

"What! And you, don't you have any feeling? Did he care about it when he seny you to those disgusting persons?"

"Well, It's not that important..."

"It is! Himura-san..." she stopped to face him. "It is..."

"Erm...if you say so."

She kept staring at him.

"...huh? is something...?"

"Himura-san..."

"Yes...?" his eyes grew big at their closeness.

"I know I shouldn't but...May I?"

"You may." he blurted out without even thinking.

She grabbed his kimono by the front.

His eyes widened, eager to see what was coming next.

She only blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

"You are a man?!"

"Oro?"

"You're a man?!!!" she smiled brightfully. "He is a man! Thank Kami-sama he is a man!"

"Huh?"

"Do you imagine how long I have been waiting, searching for the right man for me. A man like me, who would share my deepest feelings...do you?"

"I...huh? Did you say "a man like ME"?"

"I can't believe I finally meet you. You who is a man, you who is delicate and..." she raised her fist up in the air "...share my passion for cross-dressing!"

"Oroooooo...? Cross-dressing?"

"Yeah, cross-dressing..." her eyes met his'. "You too are into that, aren't you?"

He almost felt like fainting.

How come he didn't realize it earlier? This was the infamous Kamatari, the master of cross-dressing, the only man in Japan who managed to change his gender so wonderfully. His firstname was a mystery. He chose to erase it from the surface of the world, fearing it might not suit his androgynous self...well, that was what people said.

"I...I..." he stuttered, a little lost in the situation.

"No need to deny it. I know it! Ha! I'll show those people I'm not a queer! Those muscle-no-sensitiveness guys I've been with, I'll get my revenge on them! It'll be the triumph of the middle-sex!"

"Middle-sex?"

"That's how I call the cross-dresser's gender. Not totally a man, not entirely a woman, just in the middle..." he mumbled to his ear, then out loud: "Haha! Do you imagine how powerful we Ookama are? You don't imagine how many men get down to kiss my feet per day. To think that most of them are straight! Ha! I have what all those man-only loverguys would dream of! No! It's more than that, I...blablabla..."

He stared, not even allowing himself to blink.

He had heard about Kamatari's megalomania. Yet, he couldn't help but be baffled at this public display of his flamboyant self. Of course, this was nothing new. The man loved to feel people lusting for his mouth, lost under his charm and bending to his beauty. Afterall, as some people said, he was "the most accomplished geisha of the country".

"...Am I not right?!"

He nodded, absent-mindedly.

"Come with me..." he grabbed his hand, his eyes gleaming with passion. "...I'll show you the joys of the woman being." 

- OWARI -

Ramblings:

Ah, there it is over. I must confess that even if I really enjoyed writing this fic, I found it quite difficult to end it in a well..."correct" way (which isn't surprising, considering that since the beginning this ficcie was an absolutely crazy thing).

Still, I hope you enjoyed reading it, because really, I gave my best into writing something as stupid as this.

Also, thanks a whole lot to all of you guys who reviewed! 


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